Lately I’ve been in a very introspective mood, trying to process and understand the events in my life since I first came to Australia in 1998.  Life seems so much more hectic than it used to be, and I feel that I haven’t had enough time to think in recent years.  I’ve been reduced to the level of my lizard brain, acting on impulse, and not truly understanding myself or others.  I’d like that to change, and this trip will hopefully give me the time and opportunity to think more while still being actively engaged in life.

It’s been said that the unexamined life is not worth living.  I think it’s equally fair to say that the unexamined life becomes unliveable.  When we live only in the present moment, how do we process, understand, gain wisdom, and then use that wisdom to act?  We become always unwise.

I’m moving on from this life with no clear idea of what the next stage of my life will look like.  I have vague goals of working less, but with more purpose, and setting myself up better for financial independence.  Also of writing more, running more, hiking more, and driving more than I have in recent years.  Reconnecting with friends and family.  I have some rough ideas on how to do this, but my first task will be to solidify these goals and to identify a path toward achieving them.

I need to heal, and healing for me has always taken the form of DOING.  But not doing at the expense of thinking.  I need to find the right balance again.  Throwing myself completely into my work only adds stress without giving me insight, and results in repeating the same mistakes.  Spending all of my time thinking, while otherwise achieving nothing, leads to circular reasoning and passive drowning in my own thoughts.  I’m not a passive person.  I will take the initiative and actively heal.

In the mean time, until I reach the dividing line between this life and the next, when I step onto the plane, I’m in preparation mode.  My house is on the market.  I’m packing my things and moving them into storage.  My dog is in her new home.  I’ve purchased a new computer.  I’ve cut my hair short.  I’m unsubscribing to emails with only local content.  I’m saying my goodbyes.  Selling cars and bits and pieces.  Dumping what is useless, storing the rest.

I’ve intentionally not made the decision about whether I’ll come back to Australia in the future.  I’ve lived so much of my adult life here that I’m unsure how I’ll fit in back in the US, and whether I’ll want to stay there.  Or maybe, after traveling around in my native country, I might like to try doing the same in my adoptive country.  Depending on who the next president is, I may be looking to escape the US!  Or maybe Africa or Japan or Europe is my next destination?  But I leave those decisions to the future, after I see how the next 3 or 6 or 12 months work out.  I leave myself open to all options. 

Anything can happen.  All doors open, all systems go.